Things I've Learned from The Rum Dairy
- If you meet a beautiful woman while you’re on a pedal boat in the ocean, don’t assume she’s a mermaid. She’s probably from Connecticut
- With that in mind, Amber Heard is so UNREAL
- Rum solves everything. seriously. All I ever drink is Bacardi and Coke.
- Johnny Depp’s normal face is the exact same face he used when he played Willy Wonka, The Mad Hatter, Edward Scissorhands and probably any other Tim Burton movie that he’s starred in.
- The most beautiful cars existed in the 1950s. Hands down.
- Don’t distill your own rum in your apartment.
- Also, don’t own any of Hitler’s speeches on vinyl. It ruins the whole concept of vinyl being.. well… great
- If your front car seats get stolen, and your solution is to sit on each others laps and you are both men, do not drive on bumpy roads.